It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
