and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she peed on how many people?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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