every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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