I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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