My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
