just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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