I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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