no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
why do cheetos always look like penises
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
