shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
