It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
