I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
