I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
