I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well I just put wine in my tea
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
