wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
