Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
