even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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