Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
