the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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