Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm always down for nudity.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
