What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
