It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
