i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
