I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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