Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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