My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
