I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
