I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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