your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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