I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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