I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize