Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
