he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
this just has baby written all over it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
