The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
