So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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