My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
