My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
