i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize