There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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