Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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