Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
