I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
