i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
