was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize