It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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