If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
