Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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