She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
it was like eating out sand paper
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
