That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
