dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
