he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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