dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
