My balls are so social today.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
