its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
