Someone shit on the floor
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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