It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
