Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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