Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
