my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
babies were throwing up all over the place
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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