I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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