I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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