I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
