we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
