ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
