she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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