Acid is not a monday night drug
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
