if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
