Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
