If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
