I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
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I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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