girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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