they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
