i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
