I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
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Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize