You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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