I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
