he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
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THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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