I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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