you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
