Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
