I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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