i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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