I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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